when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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