So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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