; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
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