benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
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