Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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