apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
