i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
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