I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
do herpes really smell.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
