i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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