If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
