Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
