so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
