I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
