Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
