i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
