He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize