True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
