Where did you get a picture of my penis
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
