I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
tonight lets celebrate not being married
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
