I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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