There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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