I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize