exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
