the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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