I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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