Im at strip club and am horny
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
