i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
So much rum. So many feels.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
