I think scott just propositioned me for sex
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
