OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
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