I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
