You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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