i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
