I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
