Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
