so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
