The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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