I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
