lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
