Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
