moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
