oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
