Christians are straight up FREAKS
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
