Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
