Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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