Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
My breath smells like gin and sadness
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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