dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
