I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
