WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
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