So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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