whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
