He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
