There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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