I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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