Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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