please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
