it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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