I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I wish there were birth control emojis
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
