after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
