Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
