I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Randomize