so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
