This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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