He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
