btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
