hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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