I could make wine with my vomit
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
