i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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